Joey and I went to Mall of America to celebrate our 6 months of dating, half a year, whoo! It was amazing. He is amazing. Our relationship is amazing.
I’ll detail tomorrow, it’s ten to three and I want to sleep. But I had a lovely day and I love my boyfriend. Plus a random chick told us we were a cute couple while we were walking past.
Hey Paul, love you to death and always will, but being a mother of three children I can tell you that I want to be able to go to malls and not worry about them seeing a PG-13 movie right before their eyes. They aren’t even old enough to go to that kind of a movie. So, if the film industry sees it as inappropriate for them… I believe asking you to refrain from public display of affection would be appropriate. You are a great kid, with a great mind and lots of potential. Use it for the good of others, which means at times you will have to take the focus off yourself.
Hope you can take this knowing I am sharing from my heart and in an attitude of love not judgement.
Aunt Laura
Comment by Laura Gray — July 29, 2008 @ 1:44 pm
Considering the Disney Channel now uses kissing in its kids shows, I believe holding hands with my boyfriend is really nothing people should worry about.
In fact I really don’t even understand where you’re coming from because I didn’t mention anything about PDA. It wasn’t because we were making out that she said we were a cute couple.
I really think that overall kids need to see gay couples in real life. One of the reasons the United States suffers so much in minority rights (not just a specific group) is because certain majority groups would rather paint a more demonic picture of something that doesn’t look that far from the ordinary. It’s not like one race doesn’t want to see another one out in public.
Comment by Paul — July 30, 2008 @ 12:28 am
You are right in that I was presumptuous regarding PDA, sorry. I just figured that at least the holding of hands was happening as someone obviously knew you were a couple. From a mother’s perspective it is just not the right place and it seems self indulgent.
When you say “I really think kids need to see gay couples in real life” isn’t that being something driven by a belief system you’ve come to adopt? What’s more right about your belief system than someone that feels homosexuality isn’t something that should be displayed in public because of their belief that it’s wrong? By the way, I think there are all sorts of things in our society that shouldn’t be displayed in public. It bothers me for instance that I can’t go to Blockbuster without my kids having to be exposed to one seductively dressed woman after another on the DVD covers. I don’t like that I have to constantly be on guard with what’s showing on television, even what are supposed to be kids shows. I don’t think that Disney should set the standard for what’s good and right for kids minds. It seems our culture is increasingly obsessed with sex and we accept lower standards for what’s appropriate. Is that a good thing? I wonder if we are wrapping our identities up in our sexuality too much (heterosexual and homosexual alike) and in the process, we are selling ourselves short of what we are as an entire being.
If Disney is not the standard, what or who should be? That’s a challenge and one we wouldn’t likely agree on, but I will ask this. Shouldn’t love and consideration of others be close to the top of the list? I believe that, so I choose to refrain from freedoms all the time in public, for sake of others, we all do, or at least it seems we all should. I don’t feel it’s right for me for instance to “push my faith beliefs” into someone’s life, but by love and kind deeds and demonstrating how faith works in my own life, opens the door for conversations. I’m sure you would agree with that. When you decide “kids need to see gay couples” are you pushing your beliefs into someone’s life? Is that loving and considerate?
The reality is there are less and less venues that I feel are appropriate for my kids to be a part of. Does that make us prudes? Maybe so, but when I look at the “fruit” of the seeds that are being planted by our culture, I can’t say I like what I see growing. Everything from teen pregnancy, to sexual disease, to broken marriages, to sexual abuse are on the rise. Is the answer “we need more displays of public affection, more sex education at younger ages, more sexual themes being introduced to children on kids’ shows on TV to show kids how to do it right?” I don’t believe that will work, it’s what’s been being tried and it isn’t working.
Likewise, isn’t saying that “certain majority groups would rather paint a demonic picture of something that doesn’t look that far from the ordinary” doing the exact same thing, painting others as demonic? That is, do people demonize those that believe homosexuality is wrong just because they believe it’s wrong? Tolerance is really important to our culture, it’s kind of king of the hill right now, but it seems flawed to use it as the end all be all. Here’s why. How does one hold a belief and not be seen as intolerant? Doesn’t the group that longs for tolerance end up becoming intolerant of those they perceive as intolerant?
What I hear you saying to me then is that because you are a minority, you have the right to push your agenda on others but I do not have the right to ask you to be considerate of others.
My kids will see plenty of gay couples in real life. It is not about gay couples and pretending they are not there. It is having the courtesy to think of others and how they may be trying to live out life and protecting the innocence of children until they are old enough to handle it.
This may seem as not accepting you. I love you, really, Paul. But you know I do not agree with how you are living out your life. Not because I do not see your need to be loved, that is very real. Not because I am homophobic. Not because I think this is not a real thing for you. I disagree with it because of my belief that if you go against what the Lord has laid out as protection for your heart and soul you will undoubtedly create much pain for yourself in the long run along with many others along the way. Your life will have much impact on others, more than you will ever know. Sadly, the same was was true for me. Instead of embracing that sex was for the context of marriage, I went my own way, did my own thing, and suffered because of it, on many different levels. There are still issues I deal with in my marriage today because of how I entwined my life with others sexually. I missed a blessing because I thought God’s instruction was a limitation of my freedom, rather than a protection of it. I was like a fish wanting to be free by escaping water, I ended up gasping for breath and my sexual freedom and joy has been diminished because of my rebellion.
I do not see you as a different race. Just because one is a “minority”, it does not make them a race or the equivalent of it. You can’t really put yourself in that kind of a category. We are all equal in God’s eyes regardless of our choices, likes, dislikes skin color, lack of skin color or what ever sin we are in.
I want to see you Paul out in public, even with Joey. It’s not about that.
Again, I love you very much and my heart hurts much at times for you. This is not to hurt you but I feel I can not sit back and say nothing. My love for you runs too deep for that.
With much love and respect despite disagreement,
Aunt Laura
Comment by Laura Gray — July 30, 2008 @ 2:19 pm
The problem I see with your argument is that it’s not a belief that homosexuality is right, it’s just that I’m gay. Straight people seem to take for granted that they like the opposite gender. There have always been genetic traits that aren’t in the majority (you’ll rarely find a Japanese person with curly hair) but they do happen. Why that would make anyone less than anyone else is a mystery for me. If I believed that straight couples were a detriment to society’s morals and wanted them not to show any affection in public, would it be your responsibility to bend to my wants?
Right now I cannot get married here in Minnesota. Right now I would get no legal benefits for being in a lifelong and committed relationship. I would not be able to visit my partner in a family-only critical hospital event. I’m already having to bend to near breaking point so that the religious right can feel like they’re protecting America.
Unfortunately most of the things your saying are coming from the Bible. Since I don’t hold that up as a credible source to cite in an argument, I just can’t see things your way. If being loving and considerate means I have to hide who I really am, what sort of life is that? I don’t feel the need to justify my lifestyle choices to a religion that I realized was not the end all and be all.
We get one life to live. Good things happen to Christians. Good things happen to non Christians. Bad things happen to Christians. Bad things happen to non Christians. The only difference is Christians contribute money their entire lives, adhere to a set of moral rules for their lives, and also cement their spot in heaven. So essentially the Bible can make any fancy promises it wants without ever being proved ‘wrong’ (per se) because the payoff is when you’re dead. Now of course, if there were more miracles occuring (as recorded in the Bible) there would be more incentive for a skeptical world to believe. There isn’t though. And I have yet to see a Christian go out and call on God to light their pyre to prove he exists…why not? If he could do it then he can do it now.
I just don’t understand how the right can say they want to save us from heartache when in fact we suffer more because of the actions.
Comment by Paul — August 2, 2008 @ 1:43 pm
Congrats and your guys’ anniversary, and props for being out and open! I wish you guys the best of luck, and I hope that you will soon have the legal right to be joined as man and man! hrc.org has a lot of resources for getting equal marriage rights in your state. Congrats again, and best of luck.
Comment by Armonia Justin Beyondermason — August 2, 2008 @ 7:06 pm
You are right in that we may never agree on this (although I’m praying for you :) )
so… I don’t want to fight about this as I truly don’t want a riff between us. I really do love you Paul and that will never change.
However, I am curious about something you said..”I don’t feel the need to justify my lifestyle choices to a religion that I realized was not the end all and be all.”
I’m interested in your journey of deciding Christianity is not for you. Knowing you grew up being taken to church I am curious at what point you decided “this is not for me” and what were the main factors?
Also, what is your belief of what happens after you die?
Thanks for dialoguing
Aunt Laura
Comment by Laura Gray — August 7, 2008 @ 6:50 pm
Oh, Paolo. I hope you’re still doing well and everything’s happy. You and Cal and I need to get together. We start school soon! I wanna know what classes you’re taking! And I miss having someone to have serious (mainly intelligent) talks with. I’ve got plenty of issues to discuss.
I should end this comment now, I’ve had an insanely long two days and am a bit delusional. Text me days/times you’re free in the next week!
OMG Did I tell you I’m getting a Macbook? Come’s on friday!
Comment by Ashley — August 21, 2008 @ 12:37 am
I don’t know why I spelled comes with an apostrophe.. ‘night!
Comment by Ashley — August 21, 2008 @ 12:38 am