Wait…wait…false alarm.  Bush just rounded up the next band of suspected American terrorists.

In what some would call a stunning move, Wal*Mart now allows employees to give preferential treatment to people who are “pretty”, “handsome”, or otherwise “look generally good”.  This comes at a time when K’Mart recently began offering its services at cheaper prices to people who are able to be described as “more fashionable” and “with it” than some of their other staple customers.  Market analysts forsee many discount brands trying to change their image by attracting a cooler demographic to their store and offering perks for those people to shop their.  Stocks in both the corporations rose by at least 2.5% on the NASDAQ following the new policy implementations.

According to other news sources, McDonalds and Burger King are now considering offering discounds to “significantly underweight” customers in a similar move.  Old Country Buffet had already tried this tactic last month in what could most certainly be considered a last ditch effort to offer tables to people who were not obese.  Unfortunately their press release left it ambigious whether this was a brand image issue or a money saving tactic for their chairs and flooring after the heavy wear they were seeing.  Even with the incentive though, OCB could not attract a large enough skinny customer base to make continued efforts succesful.

I’ll report any other news from corporate America if I catch whiff of it~