Bonsai Blog

March 3, 2009

Joey and I: 1 year, 1 month, 1 day

Filed under: Back Home — Tags: , , , — Paul @ 12:51 am

Mmmm, possibly give or take a day. It’s hard with 2008 being a leap year and all.

But the one year mark is a great milestone in our relationship and definitely the most stable and longest relationship I’ve been in. And of course I’m with the best guy <3 This is a pretty awesome thing for me considering the tough time I’ve had finding guys who are more than skin deep (Japan, America, and otherwheres). You’re great Joey <3 Looking forward to 1 and a half.

Small bit of realism shown in on the typical “gays only have hookups” stereotypes.

December 10, 2008

The Devil DOES have a face!

Filed under: Back Home, GAY, Politics — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — Paul @ 10:33 pm

sally_devil_woman_kern

I think many of my blogs may have come off as anti-Christian or anti-religious.  Frankly that’s the wrong impression.  I really respect many people of many different faiths.  I think religion can provide strong morals, such as ‘love thy neighbor’, and other wisdom to live by.  In fact if I were surrounded in a world of practicing Christians, I wouldn’t be so bitter all the time.  The fact is though, there are a lot of people in America who, under the guise of religion, spread hate and discrimination.  That is what I cannot stand.  If you’re going to say you believe in something, actually take the time to know what you’re believing in and practice it.

Why were women so restricted 200 years ago?  Because people used the Bible to justify the housewife position, women only existed to serve their husbands and procreate.  They could not do ‘a man’s job’.  Perhaps that is why our country was founded on the principle of women not being allowed to vote for their own president, they didn’t have as much going on up in their heads as men.  Then the Bible was used to defend slavery.  There are extensive topics regarding the subject, all pointing to the absolute obedience of a slave to his master.  White supremacy ruled over our nation and churches did nothing to stop the vast injustice.  Now we come to a new century.  One in which two people in love aren’t allowed to get married.  The World Health Organization has already ruled that, no, I do not have some medical illness.  No, more likely that I won some sort of genetic lottery.  Or, as current science is looking into, was affected by a mix of hormones while I was developing in the womb.  A little less sin, a lot more born the way I am.

So.  There are a lot of Christians in my life whom I love and do truly respect.  Please note that any bitter rants about religion are not directed at you.  But the great thing about America is that you can choose whatever religion you want.  And I can too.  This isn’t some system where beliefs are stifled.  This is a country that is fertilized so that its population can believe what they want.  That is the absolute beauty of our system here.  Why some conservative right wing [neo Nazis] want to push THEIR views on a multicultural, multiracial, multireligious nation is up in the air.  Would I ever want to push legislation banning religion because I personally am agnostic?  No.  In fact I find the timeless quote going along the lines of ‘I may not believe in what you say, but I’ll give my life so that you have the freedom to say it’ outstandingly true.

A lady came in to Guest Service on Monday and talked to me for 20 minutes.  It was a complaint.  Why?  Because we sell the Fischer Price dolls that apparently say ‘Islam is the Light’.  Ok, yes, if you listen and are looking for words out of baby gurgling, you can hear that.  Or you could hear ‘Salami is so Right’.  What do you think the media is going to sensationalize though?  Anyways, she sits there and very seriously says how awful this is that we still have it on our shelves.  KMart and Wal Mart have apparently taken them down.  Then she drops a political bomb on me:

“This is America”

REALLY?!  You’re going to sit here and tell me that you don’t want a product sold because you don’t agree with what it’s saying?  IN AMERICA?  In a land that was founded because a group of people were persecuted for their religion?  There are millions of Muslims in America.  They are AMERICAN.  They are no better and no worse than anyone else in this country.  That is OFFENSIVE to them.  That is one of those ‘beyond-words’ its so offensive.  It was offensive to me, not as a Muslim, but as an American.  A patriotic American who believes in freedom for all, even if I’m not going to agree with them.  And she has the FREEDOM to believe that America has to follow HER rules and bow to HER will.  But it is not, in any way shape or form, her right to impose her beliefs on anyone else. 

Really?  This is over a toy.  She’s going on, threatening to talk to churches boycotting Target stores, etc.  I don’t care.  If people want to discriminate against another religion, I don’t want them anywhere near me.  Grow up lady.  Grow the hell up.

The real kicker about all this?  I held a straight face.  I was sympathetic.  I assured her that I would pass the complaint on internally and that I could see where she was coming from.  She actually told me that I was much better than workers at ANOTHER Target who had treated her rudely.  Not just a worker, the manager of toys.  Then when the store manager was called over, apparently they were rude to her too.  Wow, I wonder why.

But I stuck by the points I’m making here.  It was by no means my place to tell her that, no, I thought she was dead wrong and ought to be hung out to dry by real and honorable Christians throughout the country.  She can have her beliefs, I can have mine.  The difference is that I use a personal blog to express myself and she tries to change what a store sells so that she can feel comfortable and secure in her religion.

I don’t consider her a Christian, and I don’t consider anyone else who is willing to use their religion as justification for pushing their beliefs onto other people.  I’m hoping that people reading this will see the difference between expressing yourself and your opinions vs trying to graft your will onto a nation with a diverse population.

The picture above is Sally Kern, who got re-elected to senate in Oklahoma or something.  Her and her husband want me to be sent off to a “Re-Education Camp” (direct quote from Mr. Kern) because the way I am does not fit with their beliefs.

It is better to give more freedoms and let people take advantage of them on an individual level than for a majority to withhold rights from a minority because they may not agree with them.

Good photo editing though, right?  All the Devil horns ‘n stuff look superb.  Photo-realistic if I must say.  Then taking a Zombie head and putting it on her “pastor” husbands head…wow.  No one could tell that was a human beforehand.  Those people are not Christians in any sense of the word.  They can say they are, but honestly, according to their own beliefs, it will be Jesus who decides that.  And Jesus has preached nothing but love.  Spreading bigotry and hate was not part of his gospel.

PS- If anyone wants to read the article that finally made me write all this out, it’s here. Remind me not to ever vote for a politician just because they’re KERN-servative.

PPS- I’ve always wondered why Muslims don’t do more to discourage radical behavior like terrorism that draws so much hate their way.  Now I’m left wondering how Christians are any better when their base is rallied to vote in the embodiement of hate into our government.

PPPS- This article was written by a Christian. Are you the same kind of Christian as him? Comment on this post. Is he really the voice of today’s Christians?

November 11, 2008

Olbermann

Filed under: Back Home — Tags: , , , , — Paul @ 1:42 pm

Here’s Olbermann’s special comment on Prop 8 and I feel it should resonate with everyone.  It coincides completely with my beliefs about the issue.  And above all, I think it is very pertinent in light of how hard some Christian denominations worked to influence the government.  The Mormons seem to be very upset no that people are holding them accountable for their actions during the ‘Yes on 8′ campaign, but really, they need to be held responsible for the part they played.  Should they really get to pay no taxes but stick their foot into the government?

I think this is a worthwhile read for anyone, no matter how you feel on the issue.  You can go to MSNBC’s site and watch it if you’d like here.

—————

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn’t about yelling, and this isn’t about politics, and this isn’t really just about Prop-8.  And I don’t have a personal investment in this: I’m not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn’t about yelling, and this isn’t about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don’t want to deny you yours. They don’t want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can’t have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don’t cause too much trouble.  You’ll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you’re taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can’t marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn’t marry?

I keep hearing this term “re-defining” marriage. If this country hadn’t re-defined marriage, black people still couldn’t marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn’t have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it’s worse than that. If this country had not “re-defined” marriage, some black people still couldn’t marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not “Until Death, Do You Part,” but “Until Death or Distance, Do You Part.” Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn’t marry another man, or a woman couldn’t marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the “sanctity” of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don’t you, as human beings, have to embrace… that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling.  With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate… this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don’t have to help it, you don’t have it applaud it, you don’t have to fight for it. Just don’t put it out. Just don’t extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don’t know and you don’t understand and maybe you don’t even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

“I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam,” he told the judge. It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love.”

Seriously?

Filed under: Back Home, GAY, Politics, Rant — Tags: , , , , , , — Paul @ 1:20 am
blah

You're born how you're born

August 15, 2008

Growing misconceptions

Filed under: Back Home — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Paul @ 1:52 am

ASome people believe that our country is a single religion nation. It is not.  We were built on the basis of freedom, a term we toss around at every turn yet seldom admit what it really means.  To some we’re only free when it suits their religious psuedo-political ideals.  Just because something is against your religion doesn’t mean you have to ban everything outright.  Why is it that right wing neo conservatives feel the need to buckle down the whole country to a certain religion’s standards?

Lack of religion is causing our country to lose their morals. Nope, wrong again.  There’s a lot of factors that play into this, including bad parenting, misguided government control, etc etc.  I think a lot of what happened here is that people started to take advantage of our ‘freedom’ without fully taking on the included responsibilities.  We’re supposed to WATCH THE NEWS.  We’re supposed to FOLLOW CAMPAIGNS.  We’re supposed to be ACTIVE IN OUR COMMUNITY.  But of course as long as we GET WHAT WE WANT as SOON AS WE WANT IT, we’re happy.  We’re a fat culture, in more ways than ever.

Our government cannot be trusted. That actually sounds like something someone on the right wing would say.  The fact is, it’s Bush that can’t be trusted.  I am so gung ho about people getting their faith restored in our government it’s not even funny.  I want people to see tangible effects of the government doing positive things here and abroad.  We don’t need to help anyone else right now (Iraq), what we need is to clean up our own country and take the initiative to help out.

There will be change once a new president is elected. This one I’m really worried about.  I’m not so much against a conservative president, but McCain?  No.  People…how has Bush helped us?  Really?  It’s ridiculous that we’d even consider a presidential conidate that has so much in common with our current caricature of a president.  Obama at least should’ve gotten a decent rival.  One that wouldn’t make me want to leave the country if he were to be elected.

As a closing thought, do we really exist?  There has yet to be proof.  One day at a time.  Live and then die.  Let’s not squander our time making artificial rules that mean nothing in the grand scheme of time.

In perspective, I can’t get married.  Why?  Because the religious right thinks it’s an abomination.  I didn’t choose to be gay.  To put it bluntly, I do not want to procreate.  As in I have no interest in doing what is required.  That is definitely a genetic trait that is abnormal, seeing as how most males want to get as much tail as they can, but it’s not something to cry witch over either.

I will die.  Whether or not I die happy in the arms of my husband does not seem like a choice that is fair to make by another person.  I hate how people choose these witch hunt topics that never have anything to do with what’s really going on.  Love is biological, it’s not religious.  Don’t make it something it’s not.  And last time I checked, love was not offensive.

May 15, 2008

Gay Marriage upheld in California

Filed under: Politics, Rant — Tags: , , , — Paul @ 11:18 pm

And Conservatives are already preparing a counter case to strike it down.

Honestly though, what does it hurt?  This is just about as moronic as men striking down women’s rights in recent history, or looking back, the South supporting segregation.  Or just look at any idiotic motion to support any sort of discrimination at all throughout history.

Gay marriage does NOT affect straight marriages AT ALL.  The biggest complaint I’VE heard is that people will just do it for tax breaks.  Well you know what?  There are a great deal of white (majority) straight (majority) couples popping out kids for welfare money.  There are a great deal of straight couples that can stay married just to get tax breaks.  Is this a game of who can outsmart the government and who can’t suddenly?  Frankly people who would do this sort of thing are going to find a way no matter what.

Seriously.  These people look like monsters.  “Ok, yes, this is the land of the free.  But what about FAMILY VALUES?!”  Yeah?  What about them?  Last time I checked this was not a country that was supposed to have a government influenced by a SINGLE religion, let alone any religion at all.  The founding fathers did NOT approve of that model and that is what we ESCAPED from in England.  He who fights the monster must becareful lest he become one.  America, observe said proverb.  In fact we make a big deal about the Muslim government in middle eastern countries…yet we’re fine with being hypocrits.

I think at some point during my travels abroad I saw how backwards Americans really are.  No wonder almost every other country in the world hates us.  There’s a reason folks.  I’m not even sure if we can reverse the pervasive ignorance around us.

Grow up folks.  Intolerance was so 1800s.  We’ve made it through slavery, we’ve survived through women suddenly wearing pants (GASP- THE HORROR!), we’ve stumbled through Japanese internment, now we just need to jump through the recent immigration discrimination and the treatment of homosexuals.  I still think love is love and people are people.

April 25, 2008

Tomorrow is day of silence

Filed under: GAY, Politics, Rant — Tags: , , — Paul @ 12:19 am

Students who want to support the fight against school bullying based on sexual orientation are encouraged not to talk tomorrow for the entiretly of the school day.  I’m participating, as are many students at my school (we’re liberal folk for the most part).

Cannon Falls has a big issue with homophobia.  It is a very conservative and religious town for the most part and likes to keep itself firmly entrenched in past beliefs.  In fact Cannon Falls has a problem with bigottry in general.  Racism pops up when teachers leave.  I’m not sure if the administration actually cares about any of this, I know some teachers do, but nothing is really done.

Whatever.  Keeping your mouth shut for a day may be hard, but living as a minority every day is infinitely harder.

February 29, 2008

Is being gay immoral?

Filed under: Back Home, GAY, Politics, Rant — Tags: , , , — Paul @ 1:26 am

Or, is that a completely outdated question?  Because to call it immoral would hinge on us having an accepted set of moral standards.  In some ways, we do.  Obviously people do not normally accept, say, murder as a moral thing to do.  In other ways though we project some of our religious beliefs on others and hold them to the same standards that we voluntarily (read: VOLUNTARILY) submit ourselves to.  it seems to interfere a disturbing amount with American politics even though we’re now in the 21st century.

Yes, most Christians believe that homosexuality is a sin.  Or at least giving into homosexual desires.  And I’m completely willing to defend their right to believe that because I believe that we live in a free society and I value individuality and free thought.  The problem arises when these Christian groups try to put their values into motion through legislation.  A perfect example would be the proposed amendment that tried to define marriage as between a man and a woman.  Why, if I do not accept a certain religion’s beliefs should I have to care or conform to them?  This is AMERICA!  Land of the FREE!!  That is the beauty of the whole situation.  If I want to tell you Satan created cats to be his spies and we should never keep them as pets because they would corrupt us, I can totally do that.  But would it be appropriate to propose an amendment outlawing cats as pets?  Does that really seem reasonable at all to you?  So while I fully respect the view that homosexuality is a sin and immoral, I don’t personally believe that.  And I refuse to follow any law that would condemn the biological process of love simply because a group would love to play ‘high and might, I’m right you’re wrong’ with America.

If we did evolve as Darwin hypothesized, there are always going to be little offshoots of a species that either survive or die off.  I would not be the one to argue that being gay is normal.  I think it’s just another human oddity such as depression, schizophrenia, genius level intelligence, or artistic ability.  It’s just something you’re born with.  The four aforementioned things can also be factors of life of course, just as being gay might be.  Does a male become gay if he sees a vagina too early ala lactose intolarents having drank milk too young?  I don’t honestly know and I think if the public is seeking an answer it’s a misguided waste of time.  You can ponder and ponder and ponder how Stephen Hawking comes up with his theories, but he’s already published his thesises.  Now it’s time to look at the information in front of you and try and make the best of it.  I think I’m simply getting at the fact that I don’t understand why a religion would want to make someone feel even worse about their life if they can’t even help something.  But, y’know, congrats anti-gays, we have the highest suicide rates.  You must be doing something right.  Show God’s love, huh?

We only get a limited amount of time on earth.  Obviously.  Because we are going to die.  So what’s the point of wasting time judging each other when we could just spend more time making the quality of life better for each other?  That is more imporant than making money.  That is more important than making sure you have a cookie cutter American Dream family.  Whatever you can do to make your life and the lives of those around you better is what you ought to be doing.  Not condemning and literally wrecking lives.  Religion is being abused and ruining lives.  That’s what it comes down to.  If you want to argue your point, look no further than the verses that explain how God gave us free will.  He did not appoint anyone to rule the earth in his stead.  In fact God made the very same point I’m making: make life better for those around you.  That doesn’t mean appealing for legistlation that goes against your beliefs, but that definitely does not call for advocating legislation that ruins lives for millions of Americans.

I don’t think half the people who call themselves Christians in this country understand the religion they think they belong to.  And you will be in no better boat if God does end up coming down from a cloud and smiting anyone who didn’t believe in him.  God doesn’t want lukewarm Christians, remember?

February 4, 2008

SUPPORT / SUPPORT

Filed under: Back Home, GAY, Politics — Tags: , , , , — Paul @ 3:34 pm

First off, I want to thank EVERYONE who has given me support through what has been one of the most difficult points of my life.  There have been some road bumps with people’s opinions, but I’m happy to say for the most part people have offered me their love and support.  I don’t think any of you can really comprehend just how much that has meant to me.  Whether that was an email, call, message, or a comment right here on my blog… they were all read and kept dear to me.  So I just wanted to tell you all that yes, it really has meant that much to me.  Lots of impact on my life (for the better).

Second, I want to ask you to support someone else.  That person would be Barack Obama.  He is offering us a chance to get away from what has failed us and offers a brand new alternative.  This is the person that is challenging the stereotypes of our country.  This is the face of the new America, a bright future for a country full of potential.  I’m not sure if he can stop the recession, I don’t know if he can rectify what has been done in the Middle East.  But I do know that it’s not guaranteed with anyone else either and his plans seem sound.  It’s just this new vision that I think would be extremely healthy for our country.  Sometimes change comes as a forced garment that bulges in all the wrong places and would rip if you bent over.  Sometimes though, change is that thing that you’ve just got to grab when the moment comes.  And if you’d like me to finish the clothing metaphor, it’s that outfit that you’ve been lusting over for MONTHS suddenly on sale.  You just have to buy it and you know it’s going to look good.

Feb. 5.  Support Barack Obama.  For America.

January 21, 2008

I’m ready to clear up a few things

Filed under: Back Home, GAY, Rant, School — Tags: , , — Paul @ 3:22 pm

1) I’m gay.  Honestly, I don’t even see how this is a big issue anymore.  This isn’t some choice I made when I woke up one morning, this isn’t being a pervert, this is who I am.  I am Caucasian.  I have dirty blond hair.  I have green eyes.  I am gay.  People are people and love is love.  I don’t believe on discrimination based on anything.

2) I’m switching schools.  Why would I do that when I have only one semester left?  Because I need a new environment.  I’ve been going through a sever depression from, well, a long time ago.  I went from being an A/B student to getting mostly Ds now.  I need a place in which I can work in a less stressful place.  So I’m going to a charter school which focuses on independent study and where I can work on my Japanese.  Believe it or not, depression can be pretty hard to deal with and debilitating.

If anyone wants to discuss me being gay, contact me.  Not my parents.  This is just who I am and it has nothing to do with them.  It seems rather silly that anyone would think that, but some do.  I also do not believe that homosexuality is a sin.  The Bible can be interpreted in a myriad of ways.  Christians should see that they base their beliefs off of the New Testament, and wonder of wonders, Jesus said nothing about being gay.  And if we’re going by the old testament, looks like having concubines, multiples wives, selling girls for slaves, etc are all now legal.  But the most important fact is that people really have no right to force their moral beliefs on others.  I can be who I want to, and you can too.  It’s the joy of being in America.

Some people who found out about this via my Facebook account handled things badly.  I’m not even going to mince words or cover up the truth.  My family was deeply offended and so was I.  Thank you to the family members that have been overwhelmingly supportive through what has been a difficult time for me.  I hope others will gain some understanding for people who are just a bit different than they are.

And to CFHS students, I’ll miss some of you a lot.  And some of you I think need to grow up.

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